Ask David
David will answer your queries as though you were in consultation with him. Please focus on a particular challenge you are facing or a dream you want to understand.
Your identity will remain confidential. However David may choose to share your question and answer on this page for the benefit of others.
Email your question to David O'Rose.
Dear David,
I am struggling with serious illness over the past ten years. I am aged 52 and the father of two children aged sixteen and fourteen. Naturally I worry about their future. My wife has become distant since I have been ill. I have diabetes which affects my vision and psoriasis which has been getting steadily worse despite treatment. Two years ago I was diagnosed with colon cancer and although the surgery was successful I live in fear of recurrence. I am dependent financially on my wife now and have no self respect.
My question is this. How do I develop a positive outlook? My wife says I am always negative.
Mr.P.G. Hong Kong
A dietary change that has been recommended for both diabetes and psoriasis is to minimize saturated fat intake, while improving the ratio of 'good' fats by increasing the intake of omega-3 oils (abundant in flax seed and in deep sea fish.)
You may like to read this article.
Illness is a major challenge to our self-image. We invest so much energy in trying to stay healthy and when illness comes, we feel like such a failure. Our vulnerability is triggered and we often revert to immature ways of behaving.
There is no doubt in my mind that the new age idea of 'creating our own reality' contributes to a great deal of unnecessary suffering amongst us. Illness can affect anyone irrespective of the level of psychological understanding or enlightenment one has achieved. Coming to terms with chronic illness is not easy, it requires courage and self-compassion which I find only fully develops with a practice such as meditation to strengthen our heart and cultivate patience and presence.
Begin by focusing on making this day as wonderful as you can by reminding yourself that most of your body is still functioning well and that you have much to be grateful for. Give yourself credit for your endurance and be kind to yourself then you will have some energy to share with your family. Think of what you still can do and celebrate that. Perhaps you can even begin something new. I have a client who took up painting for the first time at age sixty after an illness and it changed his life.
Your wife has the challenge of working to support you and she shares the worry of your illness. How can you take some of the burden off her even though you have significant limitations? Refuse to be defined by your limitations.
And remember to laugh. Do you know the story about the man who cured his arthritis by watching videos of his favourite comedian and laughing himself to health? He was a magazine editor named Norman Cousins.
Finally I would like to recommend a book by Kat Duff called 'The Alchemy of Illness' It is pure heart and soul and would be very encouraging for your wife to read this also.
I hope this is helpful to you.
Warm Wishes,
David
I am a 38 yr old single woman with a highly successful career in finance. Although I love my job, I long for a meaningful relationship. No matter how hard I try, I don't seem able to establish one. Men I like don't seem interested in me even though my girlfriends tell me I am attractive.
Last week I had this dream which bothered me a great deal. In the dream I am swimming with difficulty in a dark pond. I try to call for help but no-one is around to hear my cry. I am too tired to get to the edge of the pond and fear I will drown.
I woke up in a sweat. Can you tell me the meaning of this nightmare dream? Does it relate to my problem with men?
Thank-you,
Ms F.W
Your dream is announcing that you are out of your depth in some significant area of your life and that you are not listening to your own call for help. It would appear that you have established a strong enough position in your material life to take this call from your unconscious seriously. Your need for relationship begins with your relationship to yourself. You may have slipped into a predictable but relatively shallow way of life and this dream is saying that it is time to connect with the depths of your inner life. You do not have the resources for this inner journey and will need the help of a counselor I would suggest.
Dark water in a dream often refers to feelings which have been neglected and in your case this could be the feelings of vulnerability and sadness around your lack of fulfilling relationship.
In my experience, when the inner work of soul retrieval is attended to and the cry for help is heard and responded to, we find ourselves on solid ground and capable of much deeper connections with others.
You can benefit from taking a break and replenishing your energy. Why not plan a retreat and reflect on your new direction?
Warm Wishes,
David